Being all my life incredibly proud about the fact that I “THOUGHT” I was immune to have any feelings towards anyone or being for me even remotely possible to be swept by my feet. Feelings like love, or even lust are so foreign. So you can guess it was incredibly difficult for me to tell if I was having a heart attack, a hot flash, butterflies or I’m coming down with a stomach virus. I’m not sure what it is. I cant say what is so different about him that would prompt my first-ever normal bio-logical response to another person. However, I’m not sure I’ve never seen anyone so incredibly like him before.
That one night, I spent all my evening in the library trying my hardest to focus so I can construct a grammatically correct sentence, I came to the conclusion that my failed attempts to actually effectively study was the lack of caffeine in my body. I got a text from Holder saying he was in the restaurant opposing my house and I should come by if I feel like it, to say the least. So of course, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to pass by and see him(and his friend) and get me a cup of much needed coffee. I was disturbed, to say the least, something about that look. There was something so disturbing about the way he looked at me. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and somehow flattering all at once. I’m not used to having these sorts of reactions at all, much less more than one at a time. “How is school?”. His voice without a doubt directed at me now. I still cant distinguish between butterflies or a stomach virus, but either way I’m not fond of the way that voice penetrates right to the pit of my stomach. I stiffen and slowly turn around, all of a sudden aware that I’m nowhere near as confident as my past would lead me to believe.
Now that I have a closer look at him, it’s apparent that stomach virus isn’t the root of the sudden stomach issues at all, its simply him.
Everything about him causes my lungs to fail and my heart to go in overdrive. Somehow, in the course of 2 months, this guy has managed to swoon me, then terrify the hell out of me. The mixed reaction is not good for my caffeine-deprived body.
The problem is, his multitude of reactions confuses the hell out of me. He seems close to disgusted by my presence one minute, to practically running me down the next. I’m usually pretty good at reading people, if I had to make an assumption about Holder based on the last three months alone. I’d have to say he suffers from split personality disorder. His sudden shifts between flippant and intense are unnerving.
There is something about him being in the same room as I am that gives me a sudden urge to flee the scene. So I can let out a huge breath, because whenever I am around him I unnoticeably hold my breath, scared any wrong move would break me in half. Whatever he does, I need to walk away and regain my bearings.
So of course, after having my cup of coffee and 15 missed calls from my grandma, it was the time for me to escape. Thinking, the only thing coming out of the whole thing that now I’m not broken or heart ache.